went DXO last night.
drank vodka ribenna.
haha. tasted so nice. x)
i shall drink that next time.
or maybe i can try screwdriver. waha.
but the most i can drink is 2 glasses i guess.
cant get high,
if not i will passed out again.
and get RASHES.
too bad for me,
haha. cant enjoy alcohol that much.
they were playing teh typical drinking game.
the five, ten, fifteen.....
oppps, i think i've frame asha enough.
she hate to drink vodka,
cos it taste bad.
bella drank the most.
and in the end, she was out.
she went vomiting in the toilet and everywhere else.
she sort of passed out for a while,
and she couldnt get up.
the bouncer and J(cant remember what the guy called),
carried her all the way down and out to the cab.
got back to asha's hse and she felt better after that.

slept and bathed, woke up like 2pm today.
haha. used com for awhile.
and slept again.
woke up at 5 like that.
watched vcd and went to causeway to return it.
bought some things at cold storage,
went back to asha's hse.
she cooked porridge for sophia, meand herself.
and tasted soo nice.
wahahaha. i want to eat more,
damn nice la. yum yum.

these few days start to think about my future.
actually i am quite scared and worried.
i am like NOT SO YOUNG.
cos i wanted to take O levels.
promoting to secondary four normal academic.
i have wasted like a year.
and now,
i am thinking of transfering to TP/ LASEELE /NAFA.
and i might waste another year again.
by then i think i will graduate from poly like 21 or 22 years old?
i dun feel like staying in RP anymore.
heard from quite a number of people saying that
RP's diploma is not recognized,
no internship.
i seriously think that PBL is so limited.
like not much opportunities will be given to you.
now i'll just have to continue sem 2 first,
wait till next year to apply to TP through DAE.
build up my port folio during these few months.
so that i can show some decent and good portfolio to them next year.
if i cant get into TP for some reasons.
i will just apply to LASELLE OR NAFA.
cos anyway, i am going to study my DEGREE ,HONOURS and MASTERS there.
so hopefully i will just get into one of these schools,
and get away from RP.

just wondered to myself.
WHY IN THE WORLD, I CHOOSE RP IN THE FIRST PLACE.
WHAT IS GOING THROUGH MY MIND?!?!

EDIT@11.35pm
i hate you.
you asked me quit school!?
i hate people or whoever ask me to quit school.
i dont know what is wrong with you guys.
i just want to wish me to have a meaningless life is it?
you do not want me to study,
den what you want me to do?
work part time?
this will get me no where.
you just say everything as if everything is my fault.
say i quarrelled with her,
which i DIDNT.
what's wrong with me saying dougnuts are nice?
just wanna introduce dougnuts to you,
and what i got is;
being blamed or even accused that i talk back to you?
like hello,
can you just listen VERY CAREFULLY my tone of voice.
instead of accusing me like as if i am your enemy.
and treating me like i am not your daughter.
why do you have to treat me in this manner.
saying that you want to throw me out of the house.
throw away me things.
IF YOU EVER TOUCH MY THINGS.
I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER.
AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF.
two against one; FAIR?
like both of you are like totally against me.
always think and say the bad things about me.
you said dont think of asking any help from me.
like hello,
did i ask from any help from you ever.
i am always independant,
except that i am always getting allowance from you.
i can stop taking allowance from you if i want to.
i just have to work.
but i will be sure that i will report everything to the police
and sueing you as a child abuse case.
you say that you want to go church and talk to the leader or pastors?
ok, go ahead.
talk all you want.
but i just want to let you know;
who in the first place is treating me like shit.
it is not my fault being like this.
you forced me to.
you said that you told the relatives and neighbours about me,
this makes me even dont feel like going home.
is this how you treat me.
you took my savings from me when i'm young,
without me knowing,
is this what a father does?
you kept accusing me,
beating me up,
throwing your tantrums,
saying those words you shouldnt had said,
is this what a mother does?
BOTH OF YOU NEVER KNOW HOW I FEEL,
NEVER EVEN CARE MUCH ABOUT WHAT I AM THINKING.
both of you can even talked behind my back,
when i am around.
what kind of parents are you?!
i know sometimes is my fault when i dun go home frequently.
but at least, i called back and tell you what i am doing,
where i am, the reason why i am not back home.
i did what i can,
but when i come home,
telling some nice stuff to you.
and just ACCUSED ME.
treating me like some shit.
slapping me, kicked me.
den you always do the same thing,
trying to make me feel guilty
by saying things like "ya la, it's my fault la,
not your fault. i am a bad mother."
and hitting yourself,
kneeling katowing down in front of me
saying "i'm sorry".
i dun even mind it that way.
i told her sorry it's my fault.
and you go " no la, my fault my fault."
like what exactly you want me to do?
i stopped you from doing these things by pulling you up and grabbing your hands.
but you just doing continuously.
and ended up YOU have to stopped me.
and saying all those words again.
i will go crazy one day,
if you keep doing these to me.
i almost went crazy when you keep saying non stop.
i was like screaming like some crazy woman.
and you saying, she is like that one la,
just to get some of your pity.
like hello, I AM NOT GETTING ANY OF YOUR PITY.
i am SERIOUSLY GETTING INSANE!
BOTH OF YOU NEVER UNDERSTOOD ME.
i have already tahan for so many years.
sooner or later,
i will just blow up.
or i may even get a stroke,
cos maybe a blood vessel in my brain may just blow up.
both of you never thought of how i feel at all.
not even once.
just putting words and thoughts into me,
thinking i am this kind of person.
if you think that even ah lian is better than me,
than go ahead adopt one!
at least they still can earn money for you,
no need to study, so no need to waste your money.
YOU JUST THINK THAT I AM JUST GOOD-FOR-NOTHING.
i will prove it to you one day.
including i will not get crazy because of BOTH OF YOU.
I JUST HATE BOTH OF YOU.
you just dun understand me.






maybe now;
i just have to learn to be more independant.
work for myself.
study to my best.
so if you throw me out one day,
i will know what to do.
i will not be afraid at all.










enough is said.
I HATE YOU
i had enough of everything.